Life Lessons on the Subway Commute

Brooklyn Sunset

After moving to Brooklyn from Long Island, it was immediately apparent that public transportation would preserve my sanity better than the parking-driving hassles of commuting. So, every morning, regardless of weather, I walk nearly a half-mile to my subway stop, the terminus of an occasionally reliable local line, and then spend 30-45 minutes observing humans and reading. Very little shocks me anymore, but then again, the unpredictable nature of people is a beautiful part of life.

According to reliable sources, in 2011, the New York subway system serviced an average of 5.3 million daily week-day “rides.” Those numbers translate to much better people viewing than any reality television show, and as much creative talent vying for your spare change as the creative TV talent vying for your votes. On the subway I've seen a tatted up guy in leathers openly reading “Fifty Shades of Gray,” and a duo of rappers perform Capoeira during rush hour [on a moving train!]; I've been serenaded by a mariachi band and by a trumpet playing “Amazing Grace” [very loud in the car!]. In the stations I've heard a musical saw [Atlantic Terminal], live jazz [Union Square], and a Barry White wannabe [Penn Station]. And, at least once a day, I am humbled by some situation that screams at me to look at how blessed my life and circumstances really are.

On any given day I am presented with many opportunities to give my spare change to others. In addition to the buskers, there are the 'regulars' asking for spare change as well as various other presentations of need. My inner emotional responses to these requests vary from pity and compassion to anger and skepticism. Sometimes there are people who do not make outward requests—their appearance and plight is the most humbling of all.

One particular man in the breezeway at the Borough Hall station indirectly taught me the true essence of feeling gratitude and being present in life. On most days after work, this man stands in the breezeway with his shopping cart of possessions. He does not ask for change, but people regularly stop and hand it to him. He always offers a “Hello” and is usually reading a book. One evening on my way through the breezeway, he politely asked me if I would spell the word “little” for him. I did stop and his enthusiasm for learning was uplifting. The joy in his simple request clarified for me just how much of my life, skills, and opportunities that I take for granted.

I also realized I was not fully living in and appreciating my present circumstances. A few years ago I wrote a blog about my wish cup—a cup I fill with found money as I work toward something I am wishing for; when the wish cup is full, the wish will have manifested. About six years ago I had started a wish cup and was diligently collecting found money. I kept the wish cup in an ancient Chinese rice box, and eventually the change began spilling out into the box. Although my 'wish' had not yet materialized, my faith and the fun of the process kept me collecting. 

(For an idea of how much money I have found, see the picture here of the bag).

Fast forward to my spelling moment in the subway station. The joy that man expressed at learning something I took for granted shifted my perspective. I realized how much I take for granted. I did not need to keep wishing for something when what I really needed was to appreciate where I was and what I had right now. Because I had always felt like a caretaker for the found money anyway, I packed it up and took it to the man in the breezeway. I told him how all the money had been found and was full of wishes and full of luck. He smiled, thanked me, and went back to reading his book. Although I am still a proponent of goals, I admit there is also something liberating about setting wishes free.

Ten Minutes a Day: Focus on Health

Unrelated to this article but cute hedgehog in Kyiv, Ukraine

At this point in the new year, I am guessing you have been bombarded with articles and emails about how to set goals and keep resolutions. Planning for an entire year, or even making a dent in an apparent laundry list of things to change, improve, create, or do can overwhelm even the most Type-A personality. For most people, this Sisyphean project causes the brain and the body to seek the level ground of the status quo.
 
What if it were simple? By simple, I mean moving incrementally forward for a long-term cumulative sense of balance and well being. The first focus should be health. Without good health, any other aspect of our lives loses luster.  Admittedly, some aspects of our health and aging bodies we cannot change, but no matter what the current state of our health is, we can always make changes to significantly improve the quality of our life. Good health encompasses emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual balance.

To continue the theme from the last blog, I feel it is important to concentrate first on the vision, and then let that vision unfold into an action plan. Close your eyes and envision a balanced life of abundant energy and health--what would that feel and look like? What could you then feel inspired to participate in? How would your life feel different than it does currently?
 
From this vision, you can start to piece together action steps.  If you have time, draft a written step-by-step plan with deadlines and objective benchmarks. If you do not have time for that, you can still commit now to a simple daily action: ten minutes a day for the rest of the month. Each day, allot yourself ten minutes to first revisit this image of health and well being, and then, in the time remaining, take some action. This action could include making a doctor’s appointment, searching online for information, eating an apple, drinking water instead of soda, or just taking a quick walk, stretching, or meditating. Just ten minutes. That is it. Then, give yourself a gold star and permission to do anything else in excess of that if you want. At least you know you have kept a commitment to ten minutes for your health today. By the end of the month, I bet you have made even more progress than that.
 
You are worth it.

Focus on the Dreams

The approaching winter solstice signals the shift into the final quarter of the yearly cycle. This is the ‘hunkering down’ phase where we can assess the year that has passed and plan for the year to come. As much as I dislike the cold of winter, I do appreciate that each day brings a little more light and some time for contemplation.

Sometimes people attempt New Year’s resolutions with hopes of forcing new or improved habits. This annual ritual can be daunting on many levels, especially if we try to change too many behaviors or are unsure what initial steps to take. Also, if it may take a while to see results from the change, our interest can quickly wane. Lack of information, support, and motivation are all huge impediments to taking even a baby step in the desired direction. Another common problem is that people spend way more time thinking about what they think needs to change rather than just taking some incremental step towards making a change.

I am going to share my few humble thoughts on this.  First, talking or thinking about change is not making a change. You have to commit to it through word, thought, and action. Consider, for example, your interactions with people who love to tell you all the things they are going to do, but when you see them later, you learn they never followed through.  How much credibility do you give their word in other interactions?  If we apply this same standard to our self commitments, we trust ourselves more, especially in the face of bigger shifts.  Remember, too, that consciously choosing to change our mind about a course of action is not the same as passively avoiding a commitment.    

Second, your heart has to be committed. This requires an internal connection to what intuitively feels right. We are bombarded constantly with media ideas about how our lives should play out and rarely do we stop to consider what our self really wants. Along this vein, I am reminded of some lyrics from the Dan Fogelberg song, Part of the Plan:

         There is no Eden or heavenly gates
         That you're gonna make it to one day
         But all of the answers you seek can be found
         In the dreams that you dream on the way.

These lyrics remind me to make dreams, not goals. Follow what calls to you, and as the rest of the song expresses, it all unfolds the way it is supposed to. Nature gives us evidence of this truth in all of its beauty. Why should we humans have any less of an experience? If we follow our dreams, we follow our heart and have an experience all our own:
        Love when you can
        Cry when you have to
        Be who you must that's a part of the plan...

Finally, when following dreams, we may need a little nudge of encouragement. Although hiring a personal coach for accountability could help, the following activity may motivate you toward taking a tiny step in the direction of your dreams in the coming year:

         
1. Rank the following ten areas in ascending order of importance to you at this time:




Health
Career
Family
Relationship (Friends & Significant Other)
Community/Social
Fitness
Spirituality
Creativity/Play
Self-Improvement [or any area of your choice]
Home


2. On blank paper [you can use poster board or large paper] create ten columns with ample space to write.

3. For each column heading, write the name of the months, starting with January and ending with October.

4. Under each month, write the corresponding area of importance you ranked above. For example, if you ranked Health number 1 and Home number 10, then write Health under January’s heading, and Home under October’s.

5. At the end of each month, you are going to plan for the following month and focus only on that particular area. First, identify your ideal or dream regarding that area. Then, pick three specific activities or focus points that could help you move toward it. It could be as simple as doing research online, putting a picture of the dream on your  refrigerator, or making a phone call.

Evaluate any shifts regarding that area each month. Then, plan the next month’s focus. You can start this at any point, but if you start in January, use November for assessing your previous ten-months' progress; use December to plan for the following year.  My wish for you is that this time next year you can reflect and proclaim you had an amazing year following your dreams, not just thinking about them.