Are You Ready For the Life You Want?

Costa Maya, Mexico. NDM 12/21/12

When I was a full-time life and business coach, a majority of my clients sought coaching to make a professional life transition. Many were unhappy in their current profession and some inner calling beckoned them to do something different. Some knew what they wanted to do but felt restricted; some had no idea what they wanted to do. Others felt unfulfilled and drained by their jobs or lifestyle, and a few were professional women wanting to start a family and were enticed by the idea of a home-based business.


Regardless of the motivation, recurring themes persisted: the need for life balance; the need for an inspired life, which included career; the need to authentically choose a career, rather than have it as a default option; and the need for permission to do something else. If any of these themes resonates with you, then some of the awareness-oriented exercises below may ignite a fire to shift you toward the life you want.

The Need for Life Balance

Only you can define life balance for yourself, and balance does not have to be every day. You could analyze balance in terms of a week, a month, or even a quarter. Your definition of balance would include elements of what brings you fulfillment and peace so that you feel grounded, energized, responsive rather than reactive, and able to go with the flow of life. Considering all fo these factors, it may be overwhelming or self-defeating to  measure your life balance on a daily basis. So, instead of saying you will exercise every day, you could aim for at least three times a week. Another option could be to break the task into smaller daily increments. So, instead of an hour a day, start smaller--ten minutes--and add a minute each day until you reach thirty. 

Grand Central, NYC. NDM 

Balance also requires an assessment of what you need right now.  There is no shortage of books and blogs telling you what you need to have life balance, but the only true voice that matters is your own. If you feel exhausted at night, examine how your energy gets spent each day, and whether it is something you can delete, delegate, or redesign. If it is laundry, cooking, or cleaning, brainstorm creative ways to make this easier. You could prepare healthy foods and cook on the weekend, or recruit your children to help. You could send your laundry out or get a housekeeper.  Life can be a big puzzle, so have fun designing other options. You know what isn't working, so do not resign yourself to it. You always have control over choices, which empowers you as the painter of your own life. Get out the paint brushes. 

10-minute exercise:

Identify an issue in your life that feels imbalanced for you. Then, write down all the possible options on one side of the paper, and all the perceived obstacles on the other side. After you have identified these, draft a plan with a mindset of creative problem solving. Remember to use baby steps and come up with an "experiment" to try different options to see what works. Finding fun and creativity in the task makes it less of a chore and more of a choice. Each week you can assess what worked, and what did not, so you can refine. This is not an opportunity to flog yourself, but to experiment. You are doing a case study on you!

 The need for an inspired life, which includes an inspired career
　
       You've gotten drunk on so many kinds of wine.
       Taste this. It won't make you wild. It's fire. 

     Give up, if you don't understand by this time that your living is firewood.

     Set your life on fire.

     Seek those who fan your flames.

　 --Rumi

I use the term "career" to define how you spend a majority of time and energy each day, whether that involves raising children, volunteering, being retired, or spending time at a traditional job. 

First, ask yourself whether you are happy with how much time each day you spend doing this activity. Determine if you feel sufficiently energized, challenged, or inspired by this activity. If not, then allow yourself to fantasize about what would make it so. No activity will be 100% fulfilling or bring happiness all of the time, but you could aim for about 80%. Other factors, which may be addressed in this article, could affect the way you perceive this activity, too.

Icelandic Pony. NDM 2012

Second, think about how you see yourself spending your time ten years from now. If your current career or activity is not what you envision, then acknowledge how your vision differs. Reflect on areas that need to shift--thoughts, attitudes, goals--in order to make the vision appear possible. If you are generally satisfied with your career, you might consider ways to be more efficient or deepen your knowledge or experience.


As you explore this over the next few weeks, take some incremental action steps toward your vision.  For example, if you wanted to spend more time on a certain project but were stuck in another obligation, consider how you might gain some knowledge or expertise, or delegate/train someone to take over your project so it could free you up to do other things.

The need to authentically choose a career, rather than have it as a default

By coaching lawyers [and being one], I have learned that sometimes we anaeshetize ourselves to a particular pattern or routine, even if it does not serve us. We become "comfortably numb" and have blinders to another way of life. For instance, if we are used to spending 10-12 hours a day at work, we may forget how to transition into a normal day. If we cut back, it may feel awkward at first, or that we are missing something or not measuring up. Taking baby steps may ease the transition when cutting back hours and filling them with something more creative. Like the fish that does not outgrow its fish bowl, we may not be fully expanding our possibilities. Taking time to assess whether the activities in which we engage drain us of energy motivates us to create time for more enjoyable endeavors. With a feeling of a more balanced life, your current career may be more appealing. Deep down, you know what changes are necessary. It can be done and will be worth it. In this way, you are choosing the career rather than settling for it. 

You may have a million reasons for the status quo--bills to pay, other obligations--but you can also spend some time dreaming the what ifs. If your assumptions were not true, consider how you would respond to your life instead. Also, pay attention to the language you use to describe your life. Words like "have to" and "should" are signposts of where you are resigning yourself to past choices. Examine why you are choosing the career you are in at the moment, and try not to linger too much in why you chose it in the past. Many reasons explain why we choose the professions we do—it unfolded that way; it pays well; we trained for it;  or others influenced our choices, to name a few. These acceptable reasons remain irrelevant to the deeper question on the table: Where are you now and where are you going? If you do not feel inspired or passionate about your work, your hobbies, your family, or community, only you get to decide to make a change. Or not. 

10-minute exercise:

This inquiry may be simple to answer and difficult to rectify.

Looking at the different areas of your life, ask the question about what would inspire you or who inspires you. If there was a time in your life you were energized, inspired, and passionate,  what changed? Did you outgrow it, develop other interests, or have some inner voice telling you to do something different? Where you are now leads to where you want to be, so believe you can make the changes necessary to bridge that chasm.

The need for permission or validation to do something else

Beneath the layers of feelings and thoughts, we recognize a universal need for acceptance. The question becomes, Whose acceptance do we need? After years of developing a skill or work experience that never really interested them, people sometimes discover they were living up to someone else's measuring stick. Often my clients would be ready to make a change but afraid that decision would look irresponsible or impractical, especially if they had invested so many years. 

Initially, we can accept the idea that we are drawn to something else for a reason. As we get older and create commitments, responsibilities to family or creditors for our possessions, we start to create limits to our decisions. At this point in the life change experiment, write down the negative arguments, internal and external, so you can dispute them for yourself.

During this contemplation period, be selective about surrounding yourself with encouraging, positive people, and only share your dreams with them. When you do share your plans with people, present it as if you have already decided. If you tell people you are thinking about something, it invites input and opinions.If you give yourself permission, you can receive encouragement and ideas on how to make your choice work.

10-minute exercise:

Take out a journal and put on some relaxing music. Set a timer for ten minutes, and take a few breaths as you think about your life five years from now. Picture where you are living, who is in your life, and what you are doing on a daily basis. Begin writing and capture as many details as possible. After the ten minutes are up, take a little break. Later, read what you wrote and keep the vision in your mind.Now you can start planning toward that vision. You may consider hiring a coach for a few sessions or months to help you focus and keep you accountable. Motivation makes you unstoppable.

This life change experiment can be an adventure when you are ready for the life you want.















All photos by ndm and all rights reserved.

Ten Minutes a Day: Focus on Health

Unrelated to this article but cute hedgehog in Kyiv, Ukraine

At this point in the new year, I am guessing you have been bombarded with articles and emails about how to set goals and keep resolutions. Planning for an entire year, or even making a dent in an apparent laundry list of things to change, improve, create, or do can overwhelm even the most Type-A personality. For most people, this Sisyphean project causes the brain and the body to seek the level ground of the status quo.
 
What if it were simple? By simple, I mean moving incrementally forward for a long-term cumulative sense of balance and well being. The first focus should be health. Without good health, any other aspect of our lives loses luster.  Admittedly, some aspects of our health and aging bodies we cannot change, but no matter what the current state of our health is, we can always make changes to significantly improve the quality of our life. Good health encompasses emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual balance.

To continue the theme from the last blog, I feel it is important to concentrate first on the vision, and then let that vision unfold into an action plan. Close your eyes and envision a balanced life of abundant energy and health--what would that feel and look like? What could you then feel inspired to participate in? How would your life feel different than it does currently?
 
From this vision, you can start to piece together action steps.  If you have time, draft a written step-by-step plan with deadlines and objective benchmarks. If you do not have time for that, you can still commit now to a simple daily action: ten minutes a day for the rest of the month. Each day, allot yourself ten minutes to first revisit this image of health and well being, and then, in the time remaining, take some action. This action could include making a doctor’s appointment, searching online for information, eating an apple, drinking water instead of soda, or just taking a quick walk, stretching, or meditating. Just ten minutes. That is it. Then, give yourself a gold star and permission to do anything else in excess of that if you want. At least you know you have kept a commitment to ten minutes for your health today. By the end of the month, I bet you have made even more progress than that.
 
You are worth it.

Focus on the Dreams

The approaching winter solstice signals the shift into the final quarter of the yearly cycle. This is the ‘hunkering down’ phase where we can assess the year that has passed and plan for the year to come. As much as I dislike the cold of winter, I do appreciate that each day brings a little more light and some time for contemplation.

Sometimes people attempt New Year’s resolutions with hopes of forcing new or improved habits. This annual ritual can be daunting on many levels, especially if we try to change too many behaviors or are unsure what initial steps to take. Also, if it may take a while to see results from the change, our interest can quickly wane. Lack of information, support, and motivation are all huge impediments to taking even a baby step in the desired direction. Another common problem is that people spend way more time thinking about what they think needs to change rather than just taking some incremental step towards making a change.

I am going to share my few humble thoughts on this.  First, talking or thinking about change is not making a change. You have to commit to it through word, thought, and action. Consider, for example, your interactions with people who love to tell you all the things they are going to do, but when you see them later, you learn they never followed through.  How much credibility do you give their word in other interactions?  If we apply this same standard to our self commitments, we trust ourselves more, especially in the face of bigger shifts.  Remember, too, that consciously choosing to change our mind about a course of action is not the same as passively avoiding a commitment.    

Second, your heart has to be committed. This requires an internal connection to what intuitively feels right. We are bombarded constantly with media ideas about how our lives should play out and rarely do we stop to consider what our self really wants. Along this vein, I am reminded of some lyrics from the Dan Fogelberg song, Part of the Plan:

         There is no Eden or heavenly gates
         That you're gonna make it to one day
         But all of the answers you seek can be found
         In the dreams that you dream on the way.

These lyrics remind me to make dreams, not goals. Follow what calls to you, and as the rest of the song expresses, it all unfolds the way it is supposed to. Nature gives us evidence of this truth in all of its beauty. Why should we humans have any less of an experience? If we follow our dreams, we follow our heart and have an experience all our own:
        Love when you can
        Cry when you have to
        Be who you must that's a part of the plan...

Finally, when following dreams, we may need a little nudge of encouragement. Although hiring a personal coach for accountability could help, the following activity may motivate you toward taking a tiny step in the direction of your dreams in the coming year:

         
1. Rank the following ten areas in ascending order of importance to you at this time:




Health
Career
Family
Relationship (Friends & Significant Other)
Community/Social
Fitness
Spirituality
Creativity/Play
Self-Improvement [or any area of your choice]
Home


2. On blank paper [you can use poster board or large paper] create ten columns with ample space to write.

3. For each column heading, write the name of the months, starting with January and ending with October.

4. Under each month, write the corresponding area of importance you ranked above. For example, if you ranked Health number 1 and Home number 10, then write Health under January’s heading, and Home under October’s.

5. At the end of each month, you are going to plan for the following month and focus only on that particular area. First, identify your ideal or dream regarding that area. Then, pick three specific activities or focus points that could help you move toward it. It could be as simple as doing research online, putting a picture of the dream on your  refrigerator, or making a phone call.

Evaluate any shifts regarding that area each month. Then, plan the next month’s focus. You can start this at any point, but if you start in January, use November for assessing your previous ten-months' progress; use December to plan for the following year.  My wish for you is that this time next year you can reflect and proclaim you had an amazing year following your dreams, not just thinking about them.

Removing the Hair Shirt

A Chinese anecdote jokes about a fortune teller who tells a client he [client] will suffer a hard life until he is about forty years old, and then the suffering stops. The client asks what happens at age forty to alleviate his suffering, and the fortune teller replies, “You get used to it.”

The funny part of the joke also contains the not-so-funny truth: When we willingly accept, tolerate, or endure parts of our life that are less than, we become comfortably numb to it. As the Eagles remind us, “often times . . . we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key.” Even if we feel the need for change, we may also feel uncertain where or how to begin. The wide chasm between where we are and where we want to be spans a void of unknown and that can render us immobile.

So, start with the known. Mentally step back and observe the known snapshots of your life. Like watching a movie trailer, you can review snippets of what key events brought you to this point. Let the momentum build to the cliffhanger of the lead character’s [your] next big move. As the scriptwriter for this lead role, what do you envision for the denouement ? You get to create the scenes where you courageously take the risk and choose the less conventional route. This less traveled road, as described by Robert Frost, makes all the difference.
 
As easy as this seems in principle, instigating change requires courage. It also requires awareness of any self-imposed suffering. I write in terms of choice because I am often reminded of a hairshirt when people share their reasons why they are not living the life they want; in other words, the reasons why they are suffering. Early Christians wore a hair-cloth article of clothing [initially goat’s hair and eventually camel hair or wire, woven into a shirt and worn underneath clothes] to "serve as an unostentatious antidote for the outward luxury and comfort of their lives." Later, during the Middle Ages, lay people used this same type of hair "shirt" as a form of penitence. Today, members of certain religious orders wear them as a rule, while others choose to wear one to do penance. See www.newadvent.org/cathen/07113b.htm.

The Keys to Unlock the Chains

Regardless of your religious beliefs or upbringing, the hair shirt is a perfect metaphor for the types of symbolic suffering we choose.*  We suffer in shame, guilt, and a variety of other physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual ways:

I can’t do this because...
I feel guilty because...
I am obligated to...
I should/shouldn’t...
I’m ashamed of....
 
These phrases beg the question of who you are living your life for. Who are you responsible to? If you are a parent you do have responsibility to your children; the rest of your life, though, is yours. Evaluate your excuse arsenal to determine whether your reasons are actually true or necessary and whether they serve you. You may realize you have finished doing penance and are ready to remove the hairshirt. It is time to live a more comfortable daily life for you.

As an exercise, ask yourself: What do I really want? Really want?
Ask again. And again, until you peel back those layers and laugh out loud or feel a giant lump in your throat [the truth].

Now, ask yourself: Why am I not allowing myself to have this? Make the list of excuses.  Then, allow yourself to imagine if you could have it. Visualize it in a way that embraces all five senses.  Finally, take the list of excuses and challenge the truth of them; decide you no longer need them.

Now is the time.

*The Bare Naked Ladies song lyrics for Good Boy, eloquently express the hairshirt metaphor.

My Support-Your-Heart Ride

Montauk Lighthouse

 Statistically speaking, most people reading this know someone who has suffered from some type of heart disease or stroke. According to the American Heart Association research, one in three Americans have some form of cardiovascular disease. In fact, this year, more than 800,000 Americans will die from cardiovascular disease.  See http://www.heart.org . Given the statistics and factors leading to cardiovascular disease, if you are over the age of twenty, it is time for proactive steps toward better health to reduce the risk of heart disease.

This spring, to promote awareness about heart disease and encourage those I love to become healthier, I added the American Heart Ride Century to my summer riding schedule! On Saturday, May 21, 2011, I will participate in the American Heart Association’s third annual American Heart Ride through the Hamptons on Long Island. I am excited to be a part of the American Heart Association’s team for this extraordinary event. The funds raised from the Heart Ride will fund lifesaving research, medical and consumer education, and public advocacy.

I committed to raising $1,500 for the American Heart Association and cycling 100 miles on May 21st. I invite your support of my efforts by making a tax-deductible donation to the American Heart Association. Your gift to the American Heart Association actually supports efforts to prevent and treat the diseases that so greatly affect our loved ones. 

More importantly, when you make your donation, I also invite you to commit yourself to one healthy change or activity from now until May 21st. The American Heart Association website has excellent resources for learning about small changes you can make to your health. Whether you commit to walking 100 miles [or minutes, or blocks] over the next two months, or meditating ten minutes a day, I support you with any change--it begins with a single step.

Thank you for your donation, support, and commitment.

To donate, please click 

http://heartride2011.kintera.org/alchemy?faf=1&e=4381181375

It's Groundhog Day: Do You Know Where Your Goals Are?

In the blink of an eye, four months have passed since my last blog entry. A full season--in fact, one-third of a year--has elapsed and all the while my thoughts carried ideas for blogs I had every intention of writing once a month. Yet, here I am without a published blog since last September.

This observation feels even more relevant today, Groundhog Day, also known as Candlemas or Imbolc in other traditions.  In my research on this day, which celebrates the mid-point of winter and heralds the [not soon enough] arrival of spring, I felt most drawn to the concept of purification. On the mundane level, this purification means cleaning the house and clearing out closets, papers, and items we no longer need.   On a deeper level, this purification also applies to all areas of our lives, including relationships, ideas, and habits that no longer serve us.  This purification process clears out a symbolic space so that we have a fertile field to plant the seeds of our dreams, ambitions, and goals for the spring.

This mid-point provides the opportune time to assess where we are on those New Year's goals and resolutions.  It is never to late to set or reset a dream or put an idea in motion.  One enjoyable aspect of coaching is helping people attain their goals and dreams; this process works because clients have created accountability to themselves by stating their goals aloud and checking in regularly on their progress.  In our professional lives we may have plenty of outside forces to  keep us accountable.  For our personal dreams and desires, though, we may have to create a system of accountability to keep us on task.  Otherwise, the months slip by as our dreams are brushed aside.

Myriad methods exist for creating and specifying goals, some of which I have covered in previous blogs.1  Becoming accountable to those goals is the next step.  With any goal, resolution, or dream, it must be  articulated in the present tense, as if it has already been attained.  Create an awareness for yourself by stating it and seeing it everyday. This could take the form of a picture, a few words on a piece of paper, or a mantra. In some small way, bring yourself to the vision every day.

Action empowers the goal.  After setting the intention and the goal with specificity, without action forward, you are in a car without gas. If you have too many items on your list to change, improve, acquire, or achieve, you may end up feeling “stuck” or immobile.  At times like this it helps to make one master list and then prioritize to whittle it down to only two or three focus points.

This mid-point of the season is a call to action.  You can always use an Etch-a-Sketch on those resolutions and begin anew.  Before you know it, four months will have passed, and your seeds of dreams and desires will already be in full bloom!



1 A life coach could assist, too, if the process feels overwhelming or you want to move through the process quicker.

Tending Your Garden of Health

Tending the Garden of Your Health

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.-- Anais Nin

This past spring, after months of a lifeless winter hibernation, I longed to have a garden. This desire had its obstacles, however, because I live in an apartment without space for a garden or even a balcony. Desire inspires creativity, and in a few days, I transplanted my seedlings to the window box you see here, complete with its own rigging. Obviously, I am not supplying the bountiful Saturday morning local farmers’ market.  In fact, my little plants most likely will not even bear vegetables [although my peas now have flowers!!]. Nevertheless, the daily ritual of tending my little garden reaps much reward and resembles the process of tending to the rituals of a healthy life.

Our health is an asset and our responsibility. People often share their frustration with setting and keeping health and fitness goals. For many years, and with constant refinement, I have committed to developing a healthy lifestyle, not so much to live a longer life as much as for the quality of life good health can bring now and later in life.

Our bodies may be our temples, but taking care of it compares to the maintenance of a car. Even with modern science and cosmetics, this body remains the only “car” we have in this lifetime. Fortunately, despite years of wear-and-tear, we can always incorporate changes to repair and improve this machine to carry us. Like cultivating a garden, this takes an initial investment of time, but then just daily attention for overall maintenance.

Establishing, implementing, and continuing healthy habits may involve challenges, for which gardening offers some pointers.

A. Preparing the Soil:

This involves taking inventory of your current health and vitality. Do you have enough energy for all you want to do in your life?  Do you feel vibrant and alive, or do you reluctantly attribute ailments to the aging process? What changes would vibrant health allow in your life? What would a perfect ten in your health-and-vitality world look like? Knowing you can make changes for better health and setting the intention to do so is the first step.

B. Planting the Seeds:

Change requires planning as you plant the seeds for change.  Just as it is important to know the type of garden you want and the available resources, it is important to assess what habits you need or lack.

One good exercise for this requires about twenty minutes and a sheet of paper. Fold the paper in half. In the lefthand column write down all of the habits you think you need to relinquish to be healthier. In the righthand column, write down all the habits you think you need to adopt.

Each week plan to focus on one habit, whether you are eliminating one or replacing one. One baby step at a time you will focus on one habit per week. You may need to research, schedule time, or enlist the help of external resources. Regardless, this single focus, in a year’s time, can reward you with fifty-two changed habits!

C. Culling and Weeding

Throughout this process, you will need to take a weekly, or even daily assessment of your current status. A plant informs the gardener of its needs by the color and condition of its leaves, stalks, and flowers. Similarly, a body tells us what it needs if we pay attention. A gardener eradicates weeds and insects if they appear. Likewise, you may need to address certain challenges. Allow yourself more time on a particular habit and understand this is part of the process. Like plants, as we move forward and grow, we may realize we need more room, time, light, nourishment, or support.

D. Patience

As we pay attention, we must also exercise patience with ourselves, our bodies, and our process. You would not plant a seed one day and then awaken the next morning expecting Jack's beanstalk. Also, you would not berate or punish the plant for not growing fast enough. Nature's innate intelligence unfolds in the beauty it reveals on its own schedule. Our physical bodies are no exception. Be a good gardener to yourself.

May you enjoy the rewards of tending the garden of your health.

Are We Growing or Shrinking Into Our Future?

During a recent shopping trip, I overheard a conversation between a mother and her young daughter about a new outfit the little girl wanted. The little girl could barely contain her excitement over the new "big girl" pants she could grow into. The mother and I shared a chuckle about the inevitable turning point in the little girl's life when she would be buying a smaller sized outfit with hopes to shrink into it.

As we transition from childhood to adulthood, this shift in perspective is not limited to the size of our hips and waist. Our perspective can also change about other areas of our lives, such as career. When we were fresh out of high school and college, many of us felt we could conquer the world. We infused our lack of experience with the confidence we could "grow into" any position we aimed for by applying persistence and spunk.

Then, over time, life happened. I often overhear conversations about a job search or career change that contain little, if any excitement. It would be nice to hear adults speak with the same excitement about life change as the little girl did about hers. We adults could think in terms of what we want to grow into--that is, what we want to expand and become--instead of focusing on the smaller, limiting size of what we believe our skills can "fit" or "shrink" into. We shrink into things based on what we already know, in contrast to expanding into what we could become. Instead of thinking about the type of work and career that would bring us joy and challenge us to be more than our present selves, we limit our thinking to what we can do with only our particular degrees, skill set, and experience.

What if we challenged our thought process to serve our creative soul? This first requires some time to play and let creativity bubble; then we can consider what we dare to grow into. Once we regain hope in the future of possibility and revel in the excitement of change, we align with the childhood dreamer in all of us. And if we need help remembering this part of ourselves, we could borrow someone's little girl and take her shopping!

(Thank you to Robert Norton at http://www.nortondesigns.net/ for touching up my photo from Luckenbach, Texas, where, by the way, "Everybody's Somebody in Luckenbach")

Being a Wild Bear

Spring has arrived in a burst of forsythia flames. The rumble of motorcycles and the chirping of birds have replaced the grumbling sounds of snow plows. Does anyone dislike spring? This time of renewal ushers in a new cycle of planting dreams and cultivating ideas. In addition to the forsythia, the other debuting plants and flowers all seem to urge the same message: After a long winter of thinking about what you want, NOW is the time to make it happen!

And so, like an awakening groggy bear, we hobble out of winter’s stupor into an amazing array of light and opportunity. Now is the time to take action in our life, and we must decide how, if at all. At this decisive moment, two types of people usually emerge that resemble two types of bears—dumpster bears and wild bears.

Dumpster Bears

Dumpster bears are survivors. In most communities near bear populations, residents attempt to keep food and garbage inaccessible to the “dumpster-diving” wildlife. Otherwise, the bears that subsist on scraps will continue along the path of least resistance and become dependent on humans and leftovers for food. Although these bears may be surviving by not starving, they are also losing their ability to find food in the wild. Like the dumpster bears, some people may be surviving on whatever opportunity comes along, with enough to eat and pay the bills. Although they have enough to survive, they are also diminishing their creative abilities to thrive. For clarification in this analogy, dumpster bear people are not people who have encountered unfortunate life circumstances.

Wild Bears

In contrast, wild bears thrive in the wild and live interdependently with nature, foraging for their own food. People who resemble wild bears take action so they do not have to just get by or survive. Instead, they thrive by creating their own way, adapting, and finding ways to remain independent. This independence does not mean wild bear people do not interact or collaborate with others. Rather, they create a life of abundance to empower others and share with those in less fortunate circumstances.

Timing

Spring urges us to take action. Some people will misinterpret action to mean aggression and argue that things just “work out the way they are supposed to.”  This spiritual axiom can be misleading, though. Sometimes events do not transpire the way we want initially, yet later we recognize something better unfolded for us. This achievement, however, does require some effort toward what we say we want.

For instance, imagine you are in a kayak on a river with a strong current heading toward a water fall. Obviously, you acted to put the kayak in this particular river. If you just plunk yourself in the kayak in the river and then let the current take you on its path, without further action, things will work out as they are supposed to. You may see beautiful scenery and enjoy “going with the flow.” The unexpected vistas and adventures are part of the journey. You may also end up in this stronger current heading to the waterfall. If you do not even put your oars in the water and paddle your way out, then again, things will turn out the way they are supposed to.  This is not necessarily the way things had to turn out, though.

By letting things “work out,” we understand all possible actions and then choose accordingly. After acting, the rest just unfolds. If we do nothing, we are waiting for life’s lottery without even acquiring a ticket to be in the game. This does not, however, diminish patience and faith. As humans, our very essence bestows us with the gift of creativity, which must be tempered with the constants of nature. Nevertheless, our creativity comes packaged with the wisdom to discriminate when to let the river flow rather than push it. May the fire of spring course through your veins and awaken the wild bear within you.

Pacing Yourself Through Your Resolutions: A Tortoise and a Hare

Years ago, when I worked in the fitness industry, a certain phenomenon cycled around this time of year. People began their new year with resolutions to ‘get in shape’ and went to the gym daily, often exercising until exhaustion for about three straight weeks. Regardless of their progress, after about a month, many people just stopped coming to the gym. Although a few people intermittently returned when bikini season or a new school year arrived, unfortunately, most just waited until the next “new year” to try again.

This is the challenge of creating life-changing goals. Sometimes, life schedules and unforeseen events overwhelm even the most dedicated of resolution setters. Most times, though, despite the desire and energy to make a lifestyle change, a life-changing shift requires a different perspective or attitude. Aesop’s fable of the tortoise and the hare portrays two perfect attitudes for embarking on a life changing journey.

In the fable, the overly caffeinated hare thought better of himself because he was quicker than the slow and deliberate tortoise. When the tortoise challenged the hare to a race, the haughty hare raced ahead and then took a nap, which allowed the steady tortoise to pass him by and win the race. Although the fable aims to teach that slow and steady wins the race, the hare’s story also offers wisdom regarding goal setting and achievement.

To achieve our desired goals, we need to approach them with the enthusiasm of the hare and the patience of the tortoise. First, we need the hare’s confidence, energy, and enthusiasm to bound ahead while envisioning the desired outcome. When you set your goals, list them all with the end in sight as if you have already achieved them. Then, adopt the attitude of the tortoise and pace yourself so you can endure the entire journey. Lifestyle changes can become overwhelming, and at first, the temptation arises to make dramatic changes. Rather than immediate and dramatic changes, remember that with patience and pace, you will still accomplish all you set out to do.

How to Apply the Two Perspectives

With health and fitness goals, create incremental goals over a period of weeks or months. If you have never been to the gym and are just getting started, establish a twelve-week plan that starts with simple activities and gradually add more exercises, visits, miles, or classes, until you attain the bigger goal [e.g., running a 10K, losing ten pounds]. Then, every twelve weeks, enlist help or seek resources to reset your goals and devise a new twelve-week plan. With this strategy, you can make tremendous strides toward health and fitness within a year.

Another helpful way to make lifestyle changes, especially when eliminating unhealthy habits, involves lists. With the energy of the hare, spend some time making a long list of all the habits you wish to change in one column and then all the habits you wish to incorporate in the next column. Then, still with enthusiasm, use a calendar to plan each week by adding one or two items from each column of the list. This way, like the tortoise, you can pace yourself until you arrive at the end of the year with many new habits and fewer unhealthy ones.

If you find you are quickly reaching your goals, then you may need to evaluate whether you are challenging yourself. The hare could easily finish the race and understandably, he became bored. You can avoid this fate by daring to ask more of yourself, knowing you also have the patience to endure the journey ahead. Then, by next January, you can be proud of just how far you have traveled.

Procrastination is a Present Opportunity

Several weeks ago I committed to write on the topic of procrastination. Naturally, the rules of irony delayed me and several weeks lapsed before I actually wrote and posted this blog. Upon reflection, I recognize this procrastination scenario resembles the goal achievement process for some people. Like preparations for a road trip, we use our good intentions to gather our roadmap of goals, resources and excitement for the journey. Then, for some reason, although the key is in the car’s ignition, either the engine does not start or it starts and cuts off.

Unfortunately, in the context of reaching goals, people often discount any type of setback as procrastination. Any speed bump in this process understandably leaves people feeling frustrated. As a result, they unfairly succumb to a self-defined pattern of “procrastination” rather than taking the opportunity for self-discovery. In fact, this opportunity for introspection can foster an awareness of the life they are living.

The following possibilities may replace the label for “procrastination” patterns. Even if you are not currently experiencing obstacles, consider whether any topics in this list represent patterns you construct in your life.

Procrastination May Be Veiling…

1. The “shoulds” are running your life.
Understanding the motivation behind any goal provides a powerful push during the tough times. Why is this goal on your list? What need does it meet or what resulting desire does it fulfill? If your answers contain statements with an underlying “should,” consider whether you really want this goal. You will not have passion or energy for a goal that does not belong to you. Determine which statements feel more empowering:
· I should lose weight.
· I should do xxx to be a good parent/spouse/employee, etc.
OR
· I feel healthy when I exercise. I have more energy when I weigh xxx.

Evaluate whether the statements you associate with your goals reflect the reasons why you want them. If they are shrouded with “shoulds” and obligations, permit yourself to change or discard them.

Life is too short; if you do the things you should do, you are living for others rather than yourself. If this statement makes you uncomfortable or defensive, consider hiring a life coach to sort it out. [email me at ndmignone@gmail.com].

2. You self sabotage and feel unworthy of your goal.
Surprisingly, some people have dreams, desires or goals yet never really expect to achieve them. Through conditioning or due to psychological factors, people willingly set themselves up for failure. Not everyone has the same dreams or goals and plenty exists for everyone to have what they want. If you operate from a prosperity consciousness you understand you have the ability to achieve whatever you desire. To shift out of scarcity consciousness into prosperity, challenge the thoughts limiting you from having everything you truly want.
· Fold a piece of paper in half lengthwise. On the left side list all the reasons you cannot have or achieve something; on the opposite side find as many reasons why you can have what you want.
· Who will you get to be when you achieve this goal or dream? Write a scenario envisioning your life with the goal already achieved.

Possibly, you are unconsciously delaying the goal process because part of you no longer wants to tolerate self-limiting behavior. If you constantly choose goals that set you up for failure decide now you will choose a different goal. Only you can decide when to stop.


3. You want something else.
People love habits. Some goals or resolutions always end up on the list without thought about whether they still serve you. If your goal sheet or resolutions continue to include losing weight, saving money, spending more time on x, y or z, you may not even question why it is on there. Let it go and pick something else. We possess the freedom to change our minds, so give yourself permission to change course. Perhaps you have outgrown the goal, not truly evaluated its purpose in your life [see #1], or not claimed the goal with specificity [see #4].


4. The goal lacks specificity.
If your goal sounds too broad or appears too unattainable, choose more specific language. To cross a canyon you may need to build a bridge; by creating smaller steps its construction would be less intimidating. Optimally, start with the end in mind and work your way backwards with each step to where you are now. Keep the outline of steps but put only the next step on your goal list. In this way, you move forward without overwhelm.

5. Currently, you are not emotionally available for this goal.
In the craziness of life and busy schedules, we may not take time to look at areas in our life that take up emotional space and drain our energy. For example, unresolved conflicts, holding of grudges, unexpressed emotions and tolerations of people, things in disrepair, unanswered mail and unpaid bills, all expend energy. As a result, our heart and mind cannot invest time by adding something else to the agenda. To resolve this, schedule some uninterrupted free time with a journal. List all of the tolerations and unresolved issues in your life. Then create an action plan, in small increments, to gradually eliminate these items. When you have whittled this list down, you may find a renewed energy and passion for the goal you originally procrastinated.

6. Hurry up and learn patience.
If none of the previous issues applies to your delays, then faith and patience may be required. Faith reflects a heartfelt understanding you will receive what you want. Patience reflects an understanding you will not necessarily receive it on your time clock. In winter, I want spring to arrive quickly because I am tired of barren trees and grey-brown hues; nature, however, with its implicit intelligence, debuts life on its own terms. So, too, will your goals blossom. Let them flower naturally like the rosebud. The Byrds sang it best: To everything there is a season and a purpose. Turn, turn, turn…

Procrastination gifts us with the opportunity to evaluate where we are in our lives. Maybe you do need a kick in the pants or believe your internal dialogue that you are just a procrastinator. However, I challenge you to find a circumstance when you procrastinated on something you truly wanted. Take some time now to ponder the perceived obstacles in your path and remain open to making necessary adjustments.

“So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key…”

[Already Gone by the Eagles]

Clearing Clutter to Play in the Sun

These endless days of rain in Fort Worth conjure up the plot to All Summer in a Day, my favorite short story by science fiction author Ray Bradbury.

The story occurs on Venus, where rain falls consistently for seven years and the sun emerges only for a brief two hours before the rain resumes. Nine-year-old Margot, whose family recently moved to Venus from Ohio, constantly reminisces about the beauty of sunshine and flowers. This annoys her classmates, who were too young to remember the last two-hour visit of the sun. At the height of their annoyance, the classmates lock Margot in a closet. Shortly afterward, the sun emerges. The classmates play and gather flowers outside and then return inside when the predictable first drops of rain announce the commencement of the next rain cycle. Sadly, the children forgot about Margot, who missed her time in the sun for another seven years.

Bradbury’s brilliant writing weaves its own spiritual and moral threads. For this article, though, the imagery of this story relates to issues that often arise when using goals to creatively transform your life.

Margot represents our spiritual self having a human experience. Her longing for the experience of sunshine does not mean she is living only in the past; instead, it relates to our soul’s inner longing to express its true calling. Our souls long to bask in the sun of the childlike innocence that views the world as a playground of possibilities for flowers and beauty. Margot’s innate purity characterizes the dreams and bliss you seek through the goals you set.

The classmates represent the thinking, analytical, practical, “reality”–driven aspects of our personality that serve us at particular times in our life. They are also portrayed as children so no judgment attaches to their behavior: All aspects of our personality serve us in some way. For instance, they protect us and help us accomplish tasks and achieve goals.

Margot is an outsider because her classmates have yet to experience the sun. Ideally, the children would play together. Similarly, our life existence should not focus solely on the accomplishment of tasks or the checking of items off of a list. Instead, we can openly experience a life of creativity and joy.

The classmates locked Margot in the closet. As humans, we also lock our opportunities for joy in the closet because we are only familiar with our current cycle of choice and consequence. Setting goals to make positive changes allows the classmate side of us to interact with and accept the Margot side of us. Unfortunately, this interaction sometimes feels hampered.

The Waters of Emotional Clutter

Water represents our emotions and the subconscious influences in our lives. We cannot change that it is raining, but we can change how we play in it. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed by lingering emotions, unresolved conflict or indecision, and these kink the hose of our creative energy. In other words, emotional clutter affects the flow of the creative energy we need to connect with the joy we desire in our life. Clutter, as an accumulation of things no longer needed, burdens us energetically and confines our spirit in a closet.

By clearing clutter, we function at a higher level and achieve clarity about who we are and what we really desire. Then, we can experience the sun now rather than wait out another cycle of rain.

Addressing Emotional Clutter
Our ability to creatively manifest our dreams, hopes and desires depends upon clear channels.

1. The practice of Feng Shui emphasizes clearing our physical environment from clutter. Evaluate each room and space where you spend significant amounts of time and determine if you have accumulated “stuff” you no longer wear, use, read or need. Consider donating or selling these items. If you clear out space, you make room for new things to arrive.

2. The clearing mental clutter works in a similar way. For example, make a list of things you are tolerating, projects that need completion or decisions that you are contemplating.

• For things [including behavior] you are tolerating, ask yourself why; then assess whether tolerance still serves you and change accordingly.
• Determine whether you can eliminate or delegate the projects, or what you need to finish them.
• For indecision, investigate what information you still need and the pros and cons to each side. Ask yourself what would make this decision a 'no-brainer' either way. Finally, set a date in a week or two by which you will make the decision and commit to not actively thinking about the decision in the meantime. Interestingly, the answer will come to you.
  

3. The first two clutter-clearing exercises will naturally reduce emotional clutter. Yet, this type of clutter requires some journaling or meditation on the relationships in your life. Our relationships effectively mirror any areas in which we can develop emotionally. Therefore, reflecting on old thought patterns, feelings of guilt or shame, regrets, or unexpressed grief can provide the key that unlocks the door to your freedom.

May you all bask in sunshine!

A congruent life feels vibrant and full of infinite possibilities where your body, mind, and spirit feel in sync.  Like a personal trainer for the physical body, I help individuals train the mind toward positive focus and deliberate creation. Visit my webpage at www.nicolemignone.com for more information.

Carefully Be Wishful

Evidence of our ability to creatively manifest often reveals itself with a twist of irony. Hence, the admonishing aphorism advises us to be "Careful what you wish for...you just may get it." Unfortunately, a negative tone undergirds this potentially creative affirmation. Instead of inspiration, it delivers a dilatory effect by stifling our inner motivation to wish for anything at all. I prefer to rephrase the statement to a more permissive: "carefully be wishful!"

Be Wishful

The wishing process resembles the planting of a garden. By sprinkling seeds or planting them in rows, you have the intention to create something beautiful and abundant. The seeds sprout and you may thin the seedlings, which is like refining your goals. When weeds sprout, you pull them out, similar to eliminating obstacles that arise when working toward your goals. All of this contributes to the cultivation process. Most importantly, you wait.

Do you see a seedling and then worry about whether you deserve to have the flower bloom or the plant grow? Do you further worry that too many other people have flower gardens already so there may not be enough flowers around for you to grow, too? As ridiculous as those questions seem, consider the self-imposed limitations we create in our own dream process. In truth, we are never given the ability to dream without also being given the possibility to create it. [with thanks to Richard Bach's Jonathan Livingston Seagull for that wisdom].

Patience [faith] remains the most important ingredient to a beautiful garden. The process of growth also has an imminent beauty. We do not tell a rosebud to hurry up and bloom; instead we let its beauty naturally unfold. This revelation promises to make the dream process possible, beautiful and fun.


Carefully

Our minds, as great creators, can also be great destroyers of dreams. To continue the garden metaphor, a hoe or shovel could destroy weeds as easily as young plants; therefore, we must carefully discriminate how we will implement the tools at hand to achieve the results we want.

Regularly give yourself time to view your garden of dreams and refine as necessary to create the exact results you desire. As we gain experience as gardeners, we can plant with more specificity considering location, the time of year, temperature, soil, and sunlight. Similarly, we can plant our dream seeds with specificity as we become more familiar with unabashed requests for what we truly want and the unfettered use of our minds as a tool to create the optimal conditions for our garden to flourish.


Planting Exercise

Take two to fifteen minutes to write down an unlimited list of things you want in your life. Allow yourself to write down anything without judgment about whether you can afford or realistically have it. Just write it down. Put the date on the top of the list.

Within a week after the first exercise, take out the list and read each thing aloud. "I want _____________!" Allow yourself permission to want and have these things.

Circle three things you want to have in the next year.

On another piece of paper, write out all the reasons you deserve to have each of the three things. Then, write out a list of possible conditions that would impede your immediate manifestation of those items. Next, create possible solutions and a time frame for resolving those obstacles. Finally, think of one thing you can do in the next week to either gain more information or move one step closer to realizing that item.

In the weeks that follow, keep these items in your thoughts and come up with ideas and specific goals each week to get you closer to having them.

Happy Planting!--

The Art of Goal Setting

Okay, you desire change in your life and you have a general idea of what you want but you feel a little overwhelmed about how to build a bridge over the chasm between here and there….

The Rating System

First, rate each of the following, as it pertains to your life at this moment, on a scale of zero [absolutely stinks] to ten [could not get any better].
1. fitness/health
2. money
3. career
4. friends/family
5. fun/recreation
6. personal growth/spiritual development
7. physical environment/home
8. romance/significant other

Creating a Visual

Second, draw a giant circle on a piece of plain paper and put today’s date on the page; then draw inside the circle, lines that divide it into quarters and then eighths. Label the outside of each pie piece with the above listed items. Then, place a dot inside the pie piece to correspond with where you rated it. For example, the one rating would set near the center and a ten rating would cling to the outer edge. The last part of the task is to connect the dots.

am guessing your connected dots do not create a concentric circle at this point. However, with some conscious planning and introspection, you begin creating the life you want.

The Vision

Next, on the back of the paper, divide it into eight sections or squares and put each label from above into a square. Take time to look at each section and write a description of what a perfect ten would look like. You may need more paper—go for it! Describe your perfect TEN in an uninhibited, belly-up, all-out unadulterated, and passionate way. In other words, you may not write what you think you can have, you must write what you WANT.

Goal Setting 101

Now you have an idea of what your perfect ten looks like. So, using the logical, analytical, problem solving side of the brain you will create an action plan. By processing backwards, write the steps that it would take to lead you from where you want to be to where you are now. This is like planning a party or event where you have the end in mind. Try to get engrossed in the details because each little step leads you closer to what you want.

Building the Bridge

Finally, take out your circle of life today. What three areas have the most priority or importance to you for the next three months? Again, by processing backwards, assign a deadline in three months for some specific tasks and steps which will move you one to two spots forward on your rating of those areas. Then, for each week leading up to that deadline, assign one or two things you can add to move you toward it. If necessary, each week you can take your weekly goal and break it down to daily tasks.

In the future, when you have more time, you can work on this process for the other aspects of the wheel. Try not to overwhelm yourself with too many areas at once. Most of these will be one year to five-year goals. You have plenty of time.

Remember to begin with the end in mind.

How will you know you have moved to the next step?
How will you know you have successfully reached your goal? For example, will you be able to read a few novels you have been saving or finish a 10K race? Will you have a date night once a month with your significant other or take a trip you have always wanted to take? Only you can quantify what success looks like for your life.

Assessment

Successful goal setting requires constant review and assessment of where you are while allowing yourself flexibility to change things as your needs change. Set aside 15-20 minutes a week to review where you are and check of what you have accomplished. Modify and adjust what the next steps are based on the new information you have gained in the previous week. Also, schedule a life wheel assessment every three months and evaluate what you want to work on for the next quarter. Finally, consider spending a few minutes each morning or each evening to review your goals for the week so you have constant positive reinforcement about what you want. Most importantly, give yourself permission to have what you want.

Roadblocks

Sometimes we hit a roadblock or a speed bump on the bridge to our vision. For instance, you had good intentions for the week and then, for whatever reason, you did not do what you set out to do. This is okay and normal. Remember, this life is an adventure and not an exam. When you do your weekly review, consider what obstacles prevented you from accomplishing your goals that week. Maybe you need to add more steps; maybe you need to brainstorm ways to circumvent the obstacles.

Regardless, remember that when you REALLY want something, you can part the Red Sea to get it AND you will get it. Honestly. Sometimes, when we have not completed our goals for a few weeks, we may need to reconsider why it is a goal. Maybe your needs and goals have changed and that goal no longer serves you. Maybe you are resisting because you want something else or are trying too hard to please others rather than yourself. If this process is a little overwhelming, you may consider enlisting your buddy or a coach for a few sessions to help you get over the hurdles.

Only you can determine your motivation and the more loving and less judgmental you are in determining what you really want, the easier the path to your goals becomes. You can do it and you deserve it!