Soul Meishi

While living and working in Japan many years ago I first had to learn the distinguished social art of exchanging business cards, or meishi. Unlike the informal exchanges here, in Japan the introduction of one’s profession and title importantly establishes the right degree of respect and deference owed in the relative social situation. Consequently, when receiving a meishi, one must carefully read it, honor the bearer, and treat the business card with respect. Indirectly, how the card is received tells the presenter how the recipient will treat her. This has obvious importance in a business context.

When I share this cultural tidbit with people, many seem shocked by this overt display of establishing pecking order from what they deem a trivial gesture with a piece of paper. Yet, careful observation of many social interactions exposes similar overt displays of people jockeying for a perceived status position.

For example, picture a work setting where a colleague shares an accomplishment and then someone chimes in with a better accomplishment of his own. Imagine telling an acquaintance about a wonderful trip you have planned and she responds with her own ‘better’ trip, past or future. Or, think about a family gathering where a loved one announces a recent achievement or goal. Does someone else respond with his own stories of glory days?

If you spend enough time with people, you may begin to notice how certain conversations trigger a conditioned response and you will hear them recall the same story as they continuously attempt to validate their perceived place in the group. The story is their meishi being exchanged to establish social standing.  Although in some cases classic narcissism could be at play, when an undercurrent of one-upmanship replaces normal social interaction, the one-upper usually needs validation.

Now, we can worry all day about other people’s behavior, but we can only change our own. Observing our own triggers and how we interact serves an edifying purpose: Awareness leads to an opportunity to grow.  If hearing about others’ achievements triggers the retelling of the same time-worn story, you could question whether now is the time for a challenge.  Only retelling the past leads to a groundhog-day existence and does not create new stories for future reminiscing:

          I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it
          But I probably will.
          Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
          A little of the glory of... well time slips away
          And leaves you with nothing, mister, but
          Boring stories of glory days.
                       Bruce Springsteen, Glory Days, on Born in the U.S.A. (Columbia 1984).

When we relate with others, the best moments arise in the present.  In these instances, we exchange our soul’s meishi— we share understanding, awareness, and awe at the wonder of life and of just being.  It takes practice to relate this way, but I feel grateful when I choose opportunities to do so.

All photos by N.D. Mignone. 2011.

My Support-Your-Heart Ride

Montauk Lighthouse

 Statistically speaking, most people reading this know someone who has suffered from some type of heart disease or stroke. According to the American Heart Association research, one in three Americans have some form of cardiovascular disease. In fact, this year, more than 800,000 Americans will die from cardiovascular disease.  See http://www.heart.org . Given the statistics and factors leading to cardiovascular disease, if you are over the age of twenty, it is time for proactive steps toward better health to reduce the risk of heart disease.

This spring, to promote awareness about heart disease and encourage those I love to become healthier, I added the American Heart Ride Century to my summer riding schedule! On Saturday, May 21, 2011, I will participate in the American Heart Association’s third annual American Heart Ride through the Hamptons on Long Island. I am excited to be a part of the American Heart Association’s team for this extraordinary event. The funds raised from the Heart Ride will fund lifesaving research, medical and consumer education, and public advocacy.

I committed to raising $1,500 for the American Heart Association and cycling 100 miles on May 21st. I invite your support of my efforts by making a tax-deductible donation to the American Heart Association. Your gift to the American Heart Association actually supports efforts to prevent and treat the diseases that so greatly affect our loved ones. 

More importantly, when you make your donation, I also invite you to commit yourself to one healthy change or activity from now until May 21st. The American Heart Association website has excellent resources for learning about small changes you can make to your health. Whether you commit to walking 100 miles [or minutes, or blocks] over the next two months, or meditating ten minutes a day, I support you with any change--it begins with a single step.

Thank you for your donation, support, and commitment.

To donate, please click 

http://heartride2011.kintera.org/alchemy?faf=1&e=4381181375

It's Groundhog Day: Do You Know Where Your Goals Are?

In the blink of an eye, four months have passed since my last blog entry. A full season--in fact, one-third of a year--has elapsed and all the while my thoughts carried ideas for blogs I had every intention of writing once a month. Yet, here I am without a published blog since last September.

This observation feels even more relevant today, Groundhog Day, also known as Candlemas or Imbolc in other traditions.  In my research on this day, which celebrates the mid-point of winter and heralds the [not soon enough] arrival of spring, I felt most drawn to the concept of purification. On the mundane level, this purification means cleaning the house and clearing out closets, papers, and items we no longer need.   On a deeper level, this purification also applies to all areas of our lives, including relationships, ideas, and habits that no longer serve us.  This purification process clears out a symbolic space so that we have a fertile field to plant the seeds of our dreams, ambitions, and goals for the spring.

This mid-point provides the opportune time to assess where we are on those New Year's goals and resolutions.  It is never to late to set or reset a dream or put an idea in motion.  One enjoyable aspect of coaching is helping people attain their goals and dreams; this process works because clients have created accountability to themselves by stating their goals aloud and checking in regularly on their progress.  In our professional lives we may have plenty of outside forces to  keep us accountable.  For our personal dreams and desires, though, we may have to create a system of accountability to keep us on task.  Otherwise, the months slip by as our dreams are brushed aside.

Myriad methods exist for creating and specifying goals, some of which I have covered in previous blogs.1  Becoming accountable to those goals is the next step.  With any goal, resolution, or dream, it must be  articulated in the present tense, as if it has already been attained.  Create an awareness for yourself by stating it and seeing it everyday. This could take the form of a picture, a few words on a piece of paper, or a mantra. In some small way, bring yourself to the vision every day.

Action empowers the goal.  After setting the intention and the goal with specificity, without action forward, you are in a car without gas. If you have too many items on your list to change, improve, acquire, or achieve, you may end up feeling “stuck” or immobile.  At times like this it helps to make one master list and then prioritize to whittle it down to only two or three focus points.

This mid-point of the season is a call to action.  You can always use an Etch-a-Sketch on those resolutions and begin anew.  Before you know it, four months will have passed, and your seeds of dreams and desires will already be in full bloom!



1 A life coach could assist, too, if the process feels overwhelming or you want to move through the process quicker.